LIFE IS LIKE A TREE AHEAD OF YOU, IT'S EASY TO GO AROUND, BUT IT HURTS LIKE HELL TO RUN INTO.

Stressing out seems to be the story of my life lately. I have these 3 great kids and a husband that I adore, I have a good job that I actualy enjoy going too. ( For those of you who dont know, I am a supervisor in a factory, I have 21 people on my shift and I like every one of them, they make going to work so much easier.) So why have I been feeling so miserable lately? The answer came to me today...

JJ and I were arguing on the phone today, at one point we were yelling so much that he actually hung up the phone on me (which by the way infuriates me). I hate to fight with JJ, we dont do it very often maybe once or twice a year at the most, but when we do fight and argue they are doosies. Anyways, we were arguing over the phone about some things that had been happening with the kids recently ( that is another blog in itself ) We were on the phone because JJ is on the road. Maybe once every couple of months he has to go out on an overnight or sometimes week long run, other than that he is usually home every night. This morning he left for Iowa and wont be back until Saturday. I hate it when JJ is gone, I love having him home with me, I love every minute we get to spend together so when he does have to leave it makes my heart ache. ( I know that sounds mushy and immature, but it's true)

Any who....Some where during the argument I just started flipping out about nobody understanding how I feel, and nobody caring about my life outside of the house. It was weird, Why these words started coming out of my mouth is beyond me and then it hit me. Everybody know's me as JJ's wife or Jordan, Trevor, and Quaides mom. I realized that somewhere along the way I lost me and my personal identity. Dont get me wrong, I love being JJ's wife and I love being the boys mom but Ive come to the conclusion that I also need to be able to be Joanna every once in awhile.

JJ, being the awesome husband that he is, understood what I was saying for the most part, and after all the yelling and a few tears he and I made up.

It is an awful feeling to have when you realize that your existance in life is based on being thought of as something else other than yourself, being a mother and wife is one of the most fullfilling and rewarding life events but losing yourself in the process is heart wrenching. I like me most of the time, and I like who I am and what I do, now I just have to incorporate that into my home life. And believe me, I will. That is where the tree comes in, I've spent all this time driving around it to be safe, but today I drove right into it and it hurt like hell when I realized that it's my own fault for not being what I could be...Peace.